24. Free Bird

Your future needs you. Your past doesn’t.

It has been almost 10 months to the day since I posted, and I have no idea where the time has gone! I honestly cannot believe it has been that long. I always say that I am going to get a steady rhythm going, and I never live up to it, but I am hoping this will finally be the time it sticks. This time is different. This time, I am different.

I figured a good way to ease back into writing would be to find a great quote to base my post on. I looked for days, and tonight I stumbled upon the lovely quote listed above, and I knew immediately that it was what I was looking for all along. Not only did it stick out to me among the others, but it spoke to me. Those seven words are what I have needed for years. They are the seven words I need to tell myself again and again until I finally believe them.

If you are one of the few who have read some of my previous posts, then you are no stranger to the fact that this girl holds onto the past (very tightly). I know it is normal to look back on memories and cherish them, but for some reason I have always looked back and hoped that some of those moments and people would someday resurface. Deep down I knew it was not healthy, but I could not convince myself to quit looking over my shoulder. I could not convince myself to let go.

My very last post was written about a guy that I had let slip through my fingers in high school, and it was ironically titled “Can’t Let You Go.” I went through a weird time (an extremely long, weird time) of hanging onto someone I did not even speak to anymore, and when I look back on it now, I realize just how unnecessary it turned out to be. I was being unfair to myself by causing much more pain than I ever needed to experience. All of it could have been avoided if I had just looked forward instead of backwards.

If you really want to know more about my desperate longing, then you can look at my various posts about him and other guys I held onto for far too long (but, have no fear, I will not put any pressure on you to do so).

I went back to read those posts the other day, and it shocked me to realize how far I have come since then. When I read over the words I wrote, I immediately remembered how I felt during each moment — I felt regret, shame, and above all, I felt lost. Somehow I managed to trick myself into thinking that if I could turn back the clock, then I would find all that I was searching for.

I think I also looked back because I had no idea where I was going. Honestly, I am still not completely sure of where my path will lead, but I feel a little less anxious about it than I used to. I can finally look forward because I have hope that I will encounter things that are bigger than I ever could have imagined, places that will overwhelm me with their beauty, and people who will come into my life and stay for the long run.

The only way I can get to those places and people is to move forward, and I am so glad that I have finally taken that first step.

If you happen to be in a similar situation, I pray that this can be a sign for you to also take that first step. I promise it will be so much brighter on the other side.

Till next time my lovelies

xoxo,

jules 💋

 

 

 

 

 

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