5. Ten P.M.

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together

It’s 10 p.m. and I have so many chaotic thoughts circling within my mind right now that I felt the need to let some of them bleed onto this virtual page. In particular, I felt the need to let loose the thoughts that come alive every time I find this quote on one of my social media pages. Tonight I happened to stumble across it on my Twitter timeline. Normally, I would scroll past it without a second thought, but for some odd reason it seemed to strike a nerve on this glorious night.

Love has always been and probably always will be a tricky subject for me to discuss for a reason I am usually ashamed to admit, and that is the fact that I have yet to experience it. Obviously, I love my family and my friends and even tacos, but I have never been in love with a significant other. I tend to be a very conscientious as well as very guarded person. I always refer to myself as a turtle because once someone tries to get close to me, I automatically revert back into my shell. I have to admit it’s not my best feature, but I’ve always been like that and I fear I always will be.

Since I’m inexperienced on the subject, sometimes I feel silly trying to give my opinion on it, but I’m going to give it a try anyways.

Everyone can make sense of this quote in their own, distinct way, but when it comes to me, I have to say that it honestly breaks my heart. In a realistic sense, I can understand that you can’t always end up with the person you love, but I can’t help if I’m a hopeless romantic. I want to believe in the happy endings. I want to believe that the princess can end up with her prince despite his evil stepmother trying to keep them apart. I guess it’s a shame life doesn’t always follow the rules of the fairytales we were told as young children.

Two different scenarios usually come to mind when I read this quote, and they either involve people who fall in love and have a relationship that ends, or people who fall in love but never get the opportunity to express their feelings to the other person. I’m not sure which one is worse (if you’re reading this I’m sure you may feel differently than me), but if I had to choose I might have to go with the second option. The reason I choose this one is because I’ve been in a similar situation. I’m sure you’ve guessed that I haven’t been in the first scenario, but it’s okay I forgive you since it’s the sad truth.

I’m well aware that relationships begin, and more often than not, they end. There are the lucky few that find that person who they’ll be with forever without having to experience the heartache, but that fairytale ending can’t happen for all of us, no matter how much we wish it could. It’s always hard for me to fathom that you can be with someone for a significant amount of time and then one day something just isn’t right. One person falls out of love or you realize that you’re both going down different roads, and you’re no longer right for each other. Whatever the reason, it ends.

But, for me, I feel that those people are far luckier than those involved in my second scenario. To have love for another person and never have the chance to express it to that person can be devastating. You have all of this love to give to them, and yet you’re forced to keep it bottled up inside, waiting for it to destroy you from the inside out. Maybe you’re too scared to admit your feelings and before you know it it’s too late. Maybe you do express these feelings, but that person doesn’t feel the same way. Either way, you experience a heartache.

It’s a terrifying idea that you can give your all to someone and eventually end up with your heart shattered on the floor. Maybe this is why I’ve been so afraid to give mine to someone. Although, I think I’m more afraid of a third scenario I have yet to disclose.

What happens if this quote pertains to the guy I’m in love with, but it involves him and another girl? This may seem confusing, but have no fear, I will explain further.

He may have fallen in love with this aforementioned girl (who is not me, by the way) and cannot be with her for some reason. Some way or another he gets together with me, but never truly falls out of love with her. How am I supposed to give my heart to someone whose heart was already given to another?

And that, ladies and gents, is just one reason why I’m afraid to fall in love. I can’t even begin to explain the multitude of reasons floating around in this mind of mine.

But who knows, maybe one day I’ll find that person who’ll be worth overcoming my fears. At least I hope I will. Stay tuned.

xoxo,

gossip girl

(Totally kidding. Or am I?)

xoxo,

jules