5. Ten P.M.

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together

It’s 10 p.m. and I have so many chaotic thoughts circling within my mind right now that I felt the need to let some of them bleed onto this virtual page. In particular, I felt the need to let loose the thoughts that come alive every time I find this quote on one of my social media pages. Tonight I happened to stumble across it on my Twitter timeline. Normally, I would scroll past it without a second thought, but for some odd reason it seemed to strike a nerve on this glorious night.

Love has always been and probably always will be a tricky subject for me to discuss for a reason I am usually ashamed to admit, and that is the fact that I have yet to experience it. Obviously, I love my family and my friends and even tacos, but I have never been in love with a significant other. I tend to be a very conscientious as well as very guarded person. I always refer to myself as a turtle because once someone tries to get close to me, I automatically revert back into my shell. I have to admit it’s not my best feature, but I’ve always been like that and I fear I always will be.

Since I’m inexperienced on the subject, sometimes I feel silly trying to give my opinion on it, but I’m going to give it a try anyways.

Everyone can make sense of this quote in their own, distinct way, but when it comes to me, I have to say that it honestly breaks my heart. In a realistic sense, I can understand that you can’t always end up with the person you love, but I can’t help if I’m a hopeless romantic. I want to believe in the happy endings. I want to believe that the princess can end up with her prince despite his evil stepmother trying to keep them apart. I guess it’s a shame life doesn’t always follow the rules of the fairytales we were told as young children.

Two different scenarios usually come to mind when I read this quote, and they either involve people who fall in love and have a relationship that ends, or people who fall in love but never get the opportunity to express their feelings to the other person. I’m not sure which one is worse (if you’re reading this I’m sure you may feel differently than me), but if I had to choose I might have to go with the second option. The reason I choose this one is because I’ve been in a similar situation. I’m sure you’ve guessed that I haven’t been in the first scenario, but it’s okay I forgive you since it’s the sad truth.

I’m well aware that relationships begin, and more often than not, they end. There are the lucky few that find that person who they’ll be with forever without having to experience the heartache, but that fairytale ending can’t happen for all of us, no matter how much we wish it could. It’s always hard for me to fathom that you can be with someone for a significant amount of time and then one day something just isn’t right. One person falls out of love or you realize that you’re both going down different roads, and you’re no longer right for each other. Whatever the reason, it ends.

But, for me, I feel that those people are far luckier than those involved in my second scenario. To have love for another person and never have the chance to express it to that person can be devastating. You have all of this love to give to them, and yet you’re forced to keep it bottled up inside, waiting for it to destroy you from the inside out. Maybe you’re too scared to admit your feelings and before you know it it’s too late. Maybe you do express these feelings, but that person doesn’t feel the same way. Either way, you experience a heartache.

It’s a terrifying idea that you can give your all to someone and eventually end up with your heart shattered on the floor. Maybe this is why I’ve been so afraid to give mine to someone. Although, I think I’m more afraid of a third scenario I have yet to disclose.

What happens if this quote pertains to the guy I’m in love with, but it involves him and another girl? This may seem confusing, but have no fear, I will explain further.

He may have fallen in love with this aforementioned girl (who is not me, by the way) and cannot be with her for some reason. Some way or another he gets together with me, but never truly falls out of love with her. How am I supposed to give my heart to someone whose heart was already given to another?

And that, ladies and gents, is just one reason why I’m afraid to fall in love. I can’t even begin to explain the multitude of reasons floating around in this mind of mine.

But who knows, maybe one day I’ll find that person who’ll be worth overcoming my fears. At least I hope I will. Stay tuned.

xoxo,

gossip girl

(Totally kidding. Or am I?)

xoxo,

jules

14 thoughts on “5. Ten P.M.”

  1. HI Jules! For me, there is actually a third scenario — man and woman love each other, but realize that, due to personality differences, distance, whatev’s, they cannot live together. The man I happen to love lives 9 hrs away, is a super-perfectionist, clean freak, and a car nut. We knew years ago that we loved each other, but that we’d be miserable living together. And it remains the same today.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, of course! There’s certainly more than just the two I mentioned, and unfortunately they can be a hard truth to face. Love is honestly such a tricky thing, at least in my mind, and it’s so strange to me that we can fall for those that aren’t truly meant for us. I wish you all the best!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Yes Jules and Gwennym. I am in a similar situation. We were falling pretty hard for each other but some things are getting in the way and still up in air and there just seems to be no end in sight. So we parted friends. I still have feelings for him but I dunno if he still feels the same.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Falling in love is terrifying but in order to find that one, it’s easier if you’ve had your heartbroken a few times. I think we sometimes forget that love isn’t just about emotion but about commitment. You learn from those heartbreaks. You learn what you will allow in your life & what you won’t so you become a stronger person. I have always found a broken person loves harder & better than someone who’s been with the same person their entire life. Just my opinion. I’ve had my heart ripped out & stomped on a few times but I’ve found someone who loves the same way I do & it’s a great feeling. One of these days you’ll let your heart loose, I use to be the same way, & once the right person comes into you’re life all the hurt will be worth it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hopefully I can let loose soon. I like to believe in the quote, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” and I keep it in the back of my mind. I haven’t had many heartbreaks, at least not ones that have truly crushed me, but I have had people slip through my fingers, which I always regret. It’s tricky cause as I’ve gotten older, I’ve actually become pickier about who to be with. I hate that I’m that way, but my hope is that once I meet that special someone I won’t have to think much before I let myself fall. Thanks so much for your advice!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post!

    Its a very interesting quote and so true. There are people who I’ve “loved” (mostly liked alot lol) but I just knew a relationship with them wouldn’t work out.

    I agree that falling in love is a bit scary and can be a risk, but I’m sure you’ll find the person who makes it not so scary and worth the risk. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

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